People think having an eating disorder is a choice. It is an addiction. Living with an eating disorder throughout most of your life makes adulthood exceptionally more difficult. I spent years of my adolescence planning my future. I planned my life, year by year. I was going to finish college, get a job that involves helping people, get married, travel and have kids. My eating disorder took over.
I dedicate all my time and energy to my eating disorder. I cannot rationalize my thought patterns and behaviors to you, but it isn’t meant to be justified. Mental illness doesn’t always make sense, but it can be managed, and recovery is possible.