In this brutally honest memoir made up of pieces from my journals, I describe the battle that engulfed my mind and body. Self-loathing and irrational behaviors continued on for years.

This book is for anyone who has ever felt alone. Know that finding your strength is possible. Recovery is hard but worth it.

On behalf of anyone reading this story, I would like to add a trigger warning as these stories detail the inner struggles of eating disorders, sexual assault, and other kinds of mental and physical abuse. Please take care of yourselves and please read with caution.

There is a vulnerability that comes with reading your old journals. It creates an opportunity for old wounds to become exposed. Wounds you thought were healed. Feelings of insecurities and memories of abandonment pushed away, now resurfaced. My journals were the only thing that helped me through these difficult situations. I feel my feelings strongly and quickly, and sometimes my thoughts are too scattered for my mouth to keep up. I’ve never really felt understood, and writing has always felt easier for me than speaking.

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